The feedback for Assignment 6 I do no feel needs further responsive commentary as the points made are clear, concise and are incredibly useful.  This feedback will enable me to make final changes to my essay in order to improve its overall structure, style,  content, clarity and simply ‘readability’.

PLEASE NOTE:  PUBLISHED VERSION OF THIS BLOG HAS CREATED INCONSISTENCIES IN PARAGRAPH FORMATTING WHICH ARE NOT SEEN WHEN I OPEN WORDPRESS TO EDIT AND CORRECT THESE ISSUES.

Overall Comments
Your essay has greatly improved since assignment 3. Well done. Your referencing is correct and great to see a list of
illustrations too! You’re using citations well to highlight other peoples’ views. Your essay has also been improved by
how you’ve compared and contrasted the artists’ use of materials (as opposed to the more list-like approach in the
first draft).

You’ve responded to the majority of the stylistic and structural points in my earlier feedback, but some of the bigger
content issues still require attention. I recommend trying to act on more of my feedback from assignment 3, in
particular:
– Read more about contemporary textile art in books to explore the “role of materials in the communication
of metaphors and analogies”.
– Use more specific terms such as “connotation /connotes, inference / infers, symbolism / symbolises, allusion
/ alludes, signifies, references, embodies…” rather than overusing ‘analogy’ and ‘metaphor’.

To help you refine the final draft, I have kept the feedback below brief and added annotations into the Word
document as in assignment 3.

Introduction:
You’ve included a definition of metaphor but it describes the linguistic metaphor. Define what a visual metaphor is.
“A visual metaphor is an image that suggests a particular association, similarity or analogy between two (or
more) generally unconnected visual elements. It is a nonverbal embodiment of a conceptual metaphor.” (Source:
https://www.metaphorandart.com)

The introduction is still quite convoluted and doesn’t explain why objects can have symbolic power within art. I
explained this in assignment 3 but to be clearer about what is needed, here is a structure for the introduction:

• “This essay seeks to explore how reclaimed materials or objects are used by textile practitioners as indirect
  metaphors or direct analogies for a variety of concepts or themes.”
• Explain what a visual metaphor is. “whilst analogies use similar objects or words to explain the
  concept.
• ”Discuss the role objects/materials can play in a narrative. Why do they have power? (From my assignment
  3 feedback: “Materials all have inherent connotations based on our experience of them. For example, in
  the western world, red means stop or danger. When we use red within an artwork we can use this symbolism to help communicate a message. Materials give the artist the power to allude to and evoke
  people, places, issues in the world.”)
•  Rephrase to improve clarity: The use of reclaimed materials and objects can be particularly effective in
  artwork about environmental or political issues, including that of feminism. For example, domestic objects
  have been used symbolically to convey and comment on feminine stories.
• Keep the wording simple. Avoid over-complicating it by trying to sound academic. Use the tips below to ensure
  the introduction and rest of the essay is well written.

Improve clarity:

•  Break down long sentences. I have given you a few examples within the annotated essay where I’ve broken
  a sentence down into two or three parts. Short sentences are easier to read but it also prompts you to
  review the phrasing and clarity of what you’re saying.
• Remove hyphens between sentences. Replace with full stops to reduce length and improve clarity.
• Remove unnecessary words: I have suggested some words to remove in the introduction which reduces the
  length of the sentences but maintains the content.
• I have edited a few bits of your essay as example changes but please continue to apply the above three
  principles to the whole essay.
• I suggest asking someone else to proofread it with the above points in mind.

Correction to assignment 3: Ignore the following: “REFERENCE. You’ve created a bibliography but not a
reference list for quotes.” – create an Illustration list for images, which you have.

Suggested reading/viewing
Context
See assignment 3 feedback for text suggestions.
Pointers for the next assignment
• Reflect on this feedback in your learning log.
• Please act on the feedback detailed above – especially any I’ve repeated from assignment 3 – and in the
annotated essay.
• Please ensure you submit all copies of the essay for assessment in case assessors want to review my input
and how you acted on it:
o Your draft for assignment 3 & my annotated copy
o Your assignment 6 draft & my annotated copy
o Your final version